“You just fucked with the wrong Mexican.” That’s probably my favorite quote from the Grindhouse movie Machete by Robert Rodriguez. In this movie, a big, bearded, long-haired, tattooed Mexican nicknamed Machete gets mad and chops his way through an army of bad guys. With a machete, of course. Anyway, basically there’s only one thing to learn from this movie: don’t mess with Machete. Don’t you ever, ever mess with Machete!
As I recently tested Ride Snowboards’ Machete GT, I immediately felt that this board shares way more similarities with the guy in the film than just the name, so let me share my thoughts with you…
Just like the big fat Mexican, the Machete GT is a damn weapon. It’s brutal, it’s merciless, it follows its way – no matter what. I have probably never ridden a board that was as stable as the Machete, which gives you a lot of confidence while going big and riding fast.
The Mexican is strong. Damn strong. And such is the GT. It has pop for ages.
The Mexican is hard. With a flex of 7, the Machete GT is quite a stiff board.
Both, the Mexican and the board, are really aggressive, quite responsive and not too forgiving. As I wouldn’t advise an unexperienced fighter to attack Machete, I’d advise an unexperienced snowboarder not to ride the Machete GT. But if you have some skills, it is cracking. And with cracking I really mean cracking!
Machete isn’t a man for fiddling work. Of course, he can cut of 30 heads and 50 arms with only one swing, but then again he isn’t able to text a message on his mobile. And so is the Machete GT. You won’t want to do those tiny slope jibs or spinning-on-rails-stuff, you’d want to go big. Decent kicker jumps, steep lines or rough faces in the backcountry – all with never before witnessed stability.
In the movie, Machete literally floats through legions of opponents. In real world, the GT is way surfier than you would think in the first place.
The last thing I want to point out is that Machete gets the girls. In fact, he gets Jessica Alba. I wasn’t able to confirm this when I was testing the stick a couple weeks ago. But if you should find yourself confronted with a nice chick in the future, let me provide you with another quote from the movie: “What’s this long hard thing? My Machete”.
MACHETE TECH SECTION:
+ All Mountain Freestyle Twin
+ Hybrid LowRize™ (LowRize rocker in tip and tail with micro camber under foot)
+ Popwalls™ (Combination of carbon and slimewall layers on the sidewalls)
+ Carbon Array 5™
+ Membrain® Topsheet
+ Cleave Edge™
+ Fusion 4000 Base™
+ 2×4 Inserts
+ Sizes: 151, 154, 155 wide, 157, 158 wide, 160, 161 wide
Okay, to be honest, the movie is trash… funny trash, though. You can forget about it now. But don’t forget about the Machete GT, it truly is one hell of a board and I’m really glad to call this weapon my own. From now on I will never be afraid to sleep alone in the dark again.
Find further info on the Machete GT and all the other Ride stuff on their all new website ridesnowboards.com. Also thanks to the precious ladies at Hintertux who provided us with lift tickets to test this bad boy. Another shout goes to HapaTeam for hooking us up with super nice camera gear.